The Bible According to Brad

August 23, 2012

Religion

Table of Contents

GENESIS
01:01   Adam & Eve   In the Big Inning
04:01   Cain & Abel   Don’t bring God fruits
06:07   Noah’s Ark   We’re gonna need a bigger boat
11:10   Abram & Sarai   She works hard for the money
18:01   Sodom & Gomorrah   If I knew that you were coming
20:01   Sacrificing Isaac   Where you want this killing done?
23:01   Jacob & Esau   No Soup For You
28:10   Rachel & Leah   The Good Wife
37:01   Joseph’s Coat   Dude, Nice Coat
39:20   Pharaoh’s Dream   You can be in my dream if I can be in yours

EXODUS
01:01   Baby Moses   I Yam What I Yam
05:01   Ten Plagues   I feel so broke up I want to go home
12:43   Parting the Sea   God is into War
20:01   Ten Commandments   Rules are Rules
32:01   Worshiping Baal   Golden Cow

LEVITICUS
01:01   The Tabernacle   The Show Must Go On
18:01   Mosaic Law   My way or the highway

NUMBERS
01:01   Ark of the Covenant   A Special Promise
11:01   Twelve Spies   Conspiracy
15:01   Balaam’s Ass   A Talking Donkey
25:01   Joshua Anointed   Rape and Pillage

DEUTERONOMY
01:01   The Second Law   Wicked and Doomed
31:19   Song of Moses   Rock On Moses

JOSHUA
01:01   Battle of Jericho   Milk and a Little Honey
07:03   Battle of Gibeon   Astronomy 101

JUDGES
01:01   Ehud and Deborah   Order in the Court
06:01   Gideon’s Fleece   It’s not a perfect science
09:01   Abimelech and Jephthah   The Branch Manager
13:03   Samson and the Foxes   The Lion, the Switch, and Thirty Wardrobes
16:04   Samson and Delilah   Let Your Freak Flag Fly

Ruth
01:01   Ruth and Naomi   The Perfect Woman

SAMUEL I
01:01   Samuel and Saul   The man who would be kingmaker
16:12   David and Goliath   A Lucky Shot
22:01   David and Saul   Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

SAMUEL II
01:01   Bathsheba   Splish Splash

Kings I
01:01   King Solomon   Don’t be Such a Big Baby
11:28   Elijah and Ahab   A Dog Eat Dog World

Kings II
01:01   Elisha   With a Grain of Salt
08:01   The Fall of Jerusalem   Off With Their Heads

Ezra
01:01   Post Exile Jerusalem   The Go-Backs and the Left-Behinders

Nehemiah
01:01   Rebuilding the Temple   Sword and Hammer

Esther
01:01   Esther and Mordecai   Sexism and the City

Job
01:01   Testing Job   The Game
08:01   Job’s Friends   The Good, The Bad, and the Fugly
19:01   God and Job   The Last Laugh

Psalms
01:01   Hymns of the Lyre   Catchy Lyrics

Proverbs
01:01   Wisdom of Solomon   Free Advice

Ecclesiastes
01:01   The Preacher   Happy Happy Joy Joy

Song of Solomon
01:01   The Love Poem   An Old Fashioned Love Song

Isaiah
01:01   Prophecy of Doom   Woe to the World

Jeremiah
01:01   Lamentations   Cry Baby Cry
20:01   Prophecy of Captivity   Haters Gonna Hate

Ezekiel
01:01   The Son of Man   No Cake for Me Thanks
18:01   The Valley of Dry Bones   Dem Dry Bones

Daniel
01:01   The Fiery Furnace   But it’s a Dry Heat
04:04   The Lion’s Den   Don’t Eat Me Bro

Hosea
01:02   Reaping the Whirlwind   Like Your Mom

Joel
01:01   Valley of Jehoshaphat   Bugs and Worms

Amos
01:01   Judgement Day   Burn Ban Lifted

Obadiah
01:01   Cursing the Edomites   Free Slaves

Jonah
01:01   Jonah and the Whale   The One That Got Away

Micah
01:01   Wrath of God   Howl and go Naked

Nahum
01:01   The Vengeance of God   A Day in the Sun

Habukkuk
01:01   Fear of God   Be Afraid

Zephaniah
01:01   Day of the Lord   Have a Nice Day

Haggai
01:01   Zerubbabel and the Temple   Permit Approved

Zechariah
01:01   Vision of Zion   Young Beer and Fresh Women

Malachi
01:01   The Curse   Lovers and Haters

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3 Comments on “The Bible According to Brad”

  1. Pastor James Miller Says:

    It’s like if Douglas Adams got religion. And OCD.

    Reply

  2. skywiseunlimited Says:

    The Old Testament is just what I would expect if it evolved during primitive tribal resource wars, when each ethnic group expected divine intervention promoting their own goals at the expense of their neighbors.

    Reply

  3. skywiseunlimited Says:

    I would hardly call it OCD, it’s just a hobby. I spend far more time on the planetarium and the courses in astronomy that I teach. I even have other hobbies that commandeer more of my time. OCD is when the affliction rises to the level of a disability. Actually James, you seem to be the one who has turned the obsession of faith into a career opportunity.

    Reply

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