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Catchy Lyrics

November 11, 2012

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Hymns of the Lyre Psalms 1:1 to 1:150 1. You would do well to follow the Lord’s rules, otherwise you will suffer mightily I assure you. 2. The kings of Earth think they can gang up against the Lord but he is laughing. Bwahahaha he will smash them to pieces like a clay pot. I […]

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The Last Laugh

November 4, 2012

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God and Job Job 19:1 to 42:10 19:1 Both God and Satan remained quiet while Job and his three friends continued debating the system of justice God had provided for the Universe. Job said, “Give me a break, I’m innocent. I’ve begged God to hear my story but he’s shut me out. He has unfairly […]

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The Good, The Bad, and the Fugly

October 28, 2012

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Job’s Friends Job 8:1 to 18:1 8:1 After Job’s extensive tirade about the unjust nature of humanity’s role in the battle between cosmic factions of good and evil, his number two friend had finally heard enough and entered the fray. He said “How long can you go on and on about what a good guy […]

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The Game

October 21, 2012

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Testing Job Job 1:1 to 6:4 1:1 Once upon a time there was a rich man in the land of Uz whose name was Job. He was indeed one righteous dude. He was very afraid of the Lord, which is wise, and also he hated evil. So that was essentially Job’s stand on the subject […]

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Sexism and the City

October 14, 2012

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Esther and Mordecai Esther 1:1 to 8:8 1:1 King Ahasuerus of Persia would often party with very important men. One day he and some dignitaries were drinking and the king sent for his pretty queen Vashti to be brought in and paraded around before the guys. He insisted she come in wearing something skimpy and […]

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Sword and Hammer

October 7, 2012

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Rebuilding the TempleNehemiah 1:1 to 13:31 1:1 Hi, my name is Nehemiah. I am a totally loyal servant to the king of Persia. It is my job to bring the king a cup of wine now and then. It’s a pretty important job so I’m a pretty important guy. 2:1 One day I brought the […]

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The Go-Backs and the Left-Behinders

September 30, 2012

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Post Exile Jerusalem Ezra 1:1 to 9:1 1:1 During the very first year under the rule of King Cyrus, the new king of Persia, the Jews enslaved in Babylon got some excellent news. The king posted a written public notice that read as follows: OFFICIAL NOTICE God has told me to be the boss over […]

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Off With Their Heads

September 23, 2012

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The Fall of Jerusalem Second Kings 8:1 to 24:1 8:1 The woman whose son Elisha had revived from illness was sent by that holy man to Philistinia to survive a famine. She eventually returned and the king was nice enough to give her back the land he had taken from her earlier. Things seemed pretty […]

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With a Grain of Salt

September 16, 2012

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Elisha Second Kings 1:1 to 6:8 1:1 With Ahab dead, Ahaziah took over as king but soon became very sick. The Moabites took this opportunity to rebel against their Israelite overlords. Meanwhile Ahaziah sent men over to Ekron to ask their god Zebub for help getting well. Elijah intercepted them and asked “Zebub? Really? Have […]

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A Dog Eat Dog World

September 9, 2012

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Elijah and Ahab First Kings 11:28 to 25:51 11:28 Solomon promoted Jeraboam to number one head boss of all the tribes. One day Jeraboam met a prophet who grabbed at Jerry’s new clothes and tore them into pieces. He used the pieces of clothing to illustrate his predictions of the future political situation. It was […]

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Don’t be Such a Big Baby

September 1, 2012

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King Solomon First Kings 1:1 to 11:28 1:1 King David was getting very old and feeble. He even had trouble staying warm so the country was searched for the perfect beautiful young virgin girl to cuddle with him. She was found and tended to the old king’s physical needs but he didn’t have sex with […]

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Splish Splash

August 26, 2012

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Bathsheba Second Samuel 1:1 to 24:1 1:1 David was hanging out in Ziklag, just hanging with not much going on. A dirty, ragged man showed up in dirty, ragged clothes. 1:4 The man was an Amalekite and he brought word to David of King Saul’s and Prince Jonathan’s defeat at the hands of the Philistines. […]

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