Skywise Unlimited

The sky is divided into 88 parts. If you play connect-the-dots within these boundaries, some of the patterns resemble the names, but most were never meant to. Just like Washington State doesn’t look like George Washington. Click on the names below for a snarky review of the starlore of the constellations and the stuff we […]

After the Big Dipper, Orion is easily the most known and the most pointed out constellation by the people who recognize at least some of them. There is the obvious belt, although Orion lived BP (Before Pants) so he wears a short skirt, or kilt or such, and below that hangs his big, um sword. […]

One of the bigger autumn constellations is in the Perseus group, Pegasus. It’s just the front half of a horse, and the wings of course. These figures in the sky are not always the whole figure, sometimes it’s half. It’s good that they chose to use the front half of the horse because if they […]

There is a rather unique constellation in the summer sky called Serpens, the serpent. What makes it special is that it is the only constellation that is divided into two parts. That is, the region of sky assigned to it is not contiguous. In between Serpens Caput (the head) and Serpens Cauda (the tail) is […]

Ursa Minor, the little bear, is a very important constellation because it is home to Polaris, the north star. It is also home to the Little Dipper which is very easy to find once you’ve actually found it. If you don’t see it right away just nod and say “Yeah. yeah I see it” but […]

Cassiopeia the Queen She was the very beautiful queen of ancient Ethiopia. By all accounts men were mesmerized by her perfectly chiseled features, like she had really nice thighs and stuff. But this was before selfies so she spent most of her time sitting in a “W” shaped chair gazing at her face in a […]

GENESIS 01:01   Adam & Eve   In the Big Inning 04:01   Cain & Abel   Don’t bring God fruits 06:07   Noah’s Ark   We’re gonna need a bigger boat 11:10   Abram & Sarai   She works hard for the money 18:01   Sodom & Gomorrah   If I knew that you […]

There is a hero. Everyone loves him because he is charitable and people’s lives tend to flourish under his watchful eye. But there is a nemesis, a huge and hideous reptile, the largest ever seen, who rises slowly from beneath the Earth bringing death and darkness and fear in his wake. The hero goes down […]

The Curse Malachi 1:1 to 4:4 1:1 The burden of being the chosen ones, as articulated by a guy named Malachi. The Lord made something very clear. He said “I have loved you Jews thoroughly, and thoroughly hated just about everyone else.” That’s all fine and good, however the Jews have polluted the food at […]

Vision of Zion Zechariah 1:1 to 14:1 1:1 The words of the Lord suddenly appeared in the mind of Zechariah saying “The Lord is upset with your fathers. Don’t be like your fathers.” One night I saw a man riding on a red horse. Behind him were other riders also on red horses. That was […]

Zerubbabel and the Temple Haggai 1:1 to 2:23 1:1 The word of the Lord as imagined by the prophet Haggai, chief bottle washer and overpaid yes-man to The Mighty Zerubbabel, Prince of Persia, in the province of Judah (rural delivery). 2:3 Some people are saying that it is not yet time to rebuild the old […]

Day of the Lord Zephaniah 1:1 to 3:20 1:1 The word of the Lord which dawned on Zephaniah, who was the son of somebody, who was the son of somebody, who was the son of somebody. God says he will come and utterly eat everything. A day is coming, a bad day, a real bad […]