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Worshiping Baal Exodus 32:1 to 40:38 32:1 What could be taking Moses so long? The people grew restless for mindless rituals and excessive dogma so Aaron collected all the men’s earrings and molded them into the figure of a young cow. The people looked at the statue and said “There he is! That’s him! That […]

Ten Commandments Exodus 20:1 to 31:18 20:1 Yahweh spoke directly to Moses and laid down the law. (1) “I am the only god that helped you escape from Egypt. Don’t even consider any of those other gods to be more important than me, ever.” (2) “Don’t make any religious statues of anything at all, not […]

Parting the Sea Exodus 12:43 to 19:3 12:43 Yahweh said to Moses “When you have the feast of hard biscuits, don’t let strangers or foreigners eat any. If you buy a male slave, first separate him from the tip of his winky, then he can have a biscuit.” Yahweh went on and on about the […]

Ten Plagues Exodus 5:1 to 11:1 5:1 Moses and Aaron finally got their big audition with the Pharaoh of Egypt. They told him that Yahweh wanted the Israelites to go way out on the desert and have a strange bloody ritual. They added “If we don’t go do this God says he will kill us […]

Baby Moses Exodus 1:1 to 4:20 1:1 After hundreds of years of good times in Egypt, there was a coup d’etat and the descendants of the twelve sons of Israel were all fans of the losing Pharaoh’s regime. By this time the Israelite tribes had grown to a considerable piece of the Egyptian economic pie. […]

Pharaoh’s Dream Genesis 39:20 to 48:1 39:20 Although Joseph was a mere Canaanite slave, he rejected his Egyptian master’s wife’s romantic advances on moral principles. The scorned woman screamed rape and what with having Joe’s shredded shirt in her possession and all, the master believed her story. He threw poor Joe into prison. Life in […]

Joseph’s CoatGenesis 37:1 to 39:1 37:1 After Yahweh officially changed Jacob’s name to Israel the chosen family continued to live on in Canaan. Thanks to all of the productive time he had spent playing humpy the camel with his wives and their maid slaves, Israel had 12 boys. By far his favorite son was Little […]

Rachel & Leah Genesis 28:10 to 35:17 28:10 After scamming his father into giving him a special ritualistic endorsement, and ripping off his twin brother of the family fortune, Jacob was living life on the lam. He headed over to his uncle Laban’s house to lay low for awhile, and maybe hook up with a […]

Jacob & Esau Genesis 23:1 to 26:34 23:1 Abraham’s wife Sarah died at the age of 127. It happened during the time when Abe was ranging cattle in an area being controlled by the Hittites. In great sorrow he negotiated with them for the deed to a remote cave that he used to entomb dear […]

Sacrificing Isaac Genesis 20:1 to 22:1 20:1 After the horrible tragedy at Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham decided it would be best to clear out of Canaan for awhile. He relocated his operation to the south in the kingdom of Gerar and just like that time before, when he visited Egypt, he chose to deceive people […]

Sodom & Gomorrah Genesis 18:1 to 19:30 18:1 One day Abraham was just kicking it back, chillaxing in the shade under the awning of his big tent when out of the blue Yahweh popped by with a couple of henchman in tow. “Welcome welcome,” opened Abe, jumping up adding “please please, have a seat. Take […]

Abram & Sarai Genesis 11:10 to 15:1 11:10 Many men were born, lived, and died before someone finally came along that Yahweh liked. The man’s name was Abram and Yahweh liked Abram more than anyone born before him or ever since. Yahweh said to Abram “Pack up and leave your country and leave most of […]