Song of Moses Deuteronomy 31:19 to 34:10 31:19 Moses called the tribal leaders together and taught them a catchy song that he had written for them. The song didn’t really touch on anything new, it was mostly just what was awesome and what sucked about dealing with Yahweh. 32:1 Listen-up in the north, And listen […]
May 27, 2012
Wicked and Doomed
The Second Law Deuteronomy 1:1 to 31:14 1:1 Moses made a long speech romanticizing the bloody epic of the tribes. First he brought them up to date on some of his biggest accomplishments and then he highlighted the bright forecast for the anticipated genocide of the men, women, and children of Canaan. Yahweh had recently […]
May 20, 2012
Rape and Pillage
Joshua Anointed Numbers 25:1 to 35:9 25:1 The Israelites hung out in a place in Moab called Shittim and became infatuated by the Midianite culture there, especially the women. Shittim was modern. Shittim was fancy. Many Israelite men enjoyed hooking up with Midianite girlfriends and they also began to study the sophisticated city folk’s worldviews […]
May 13, 2012
A Talking Donkey
Balaam’s Ass Numbers 15:1 to 22:1 15:1 Yahweh told Moses he needed revenue and he said to raise taxes on the people again. He also detailed how much in fees and penalties people would have to pay this time to be forgiven for an array of new sins. He said that any strangers in the […]
May 6, 2012
Conspiracy
Twelve Spies Numbers 11:1 to 14:39 11:1 When people complained about stuff it really irritated Yahweh. He would become very moody and go around randomly burning innocent people to death. The people ran crying to Moses about the unfairness of it all. Moses had a little talk with Yahweh who agreed to stop the random […]
April 29, 2012
A Special Promise
Ark of the Covenant Numbers 1:1 to 7:1 1:1 Yahweh said to Moses, “Count up how many men, 20 years and older, that are capable of going to war. I need to know how many soldiers I can field. Except don’t count the Levites. I need them to take care of the church and administrate […]
April 22, 2012
My Way or the Highway
Mosaic Law Leviticus 18:1 to 27:34 18:1 “Listen to me. I am God. Don’t behave the way you did in Egypt, running around buck nekid all the time.” Yahweh gave Moses a long sermon about nudity. He explained when to get naked, when not to get naked, who to see naked, who not to be […]
April 15, 2012
The Show Must Go On
The Tabernacle Leviticus 1:1 to 16:2 1:1 Yahweh talked to Moses in the new tabernacle tent and said things like “Bring me the Israelite’s best cows and slit their throats and smear blood all over.” And of course “Cook those tasty critters extra crispy! I like my steaks well done and extra lean.” Yahweh included […]
April 8, 2012
Golden Cow
Worshiping Baal Exodus 32:1 to 40:38 32:1 What could be taking Moses so long? The people grew restless for mindless rituals and excessive dogma so Aaron collected all the men’s earrings and molded them into the figure of a young cow. The people looked at the statue and said “There he is! That’s him! That […]
April 1, 2012
Rules are Rules
Ten Commandments Exodus 20:1 to 31:18 20:1 Yahweh spoke directly to Moses and laid down the law. (1) “I am the only god that helped you escape from Egypt. Don’t even consider any of those other gods to be more important than me, ever.” (2) “Don’t make any religious statues of anything at all, not […]
March 25, 2012
God is into War
Parting the Sea Exodus 12:43 to 19:3 12:43 Yahweh said to Moses “When you have the feast of hard biscuits, don’t let strangers or foreigners eat any. If you buy a male slave, first separate him from the tip of his winky, then he can have a biscuit.” Yahweh went on and on about the […]
March 22, 2012
I Feel So Broke Up I Want To Go Home
Ten Plagues Exodus 5:1 to 11:1 5:1 Moses and Aaron finally got their big audition with the Pharaoh of Egypt. They told him that Yahweh wanted the Israelites to go way out on the desert and have a strange bloody ritual. They added “If we don’t go do this God says he will kill us […]
The Big Blog Theory
Suddenly, there was a huge cacophonous sound. The event was actually unimaginably tiny, and there was probably nothing quite like sound yet, but FINALLY, after who knows how long, time itself was invented. And so it begins.Deep Sky Zodiac
NASA Social JPL – Mars Curiosity Landing
The Planets
Stonehenge
Bible Satire
Neakita – An American Story
Skywise Unlimited 
June 3, 2012
0 Comments