Tag Archives: cosmology

Don’t be Such a Big Baby

September 1, 2012

0 Comments

King Solomon First Kings 1:1 to 11:28 1:1 King David was getting very old and feeble. He even had trouble staying warm so the country was searched for the perfect beautiful young virgin girl to cuddle with him. She was found and tended to the old king’s physical needs but he didn’t have sex with […]

Continue reading...

Splish Splash

August 26, 2012

0 Comments

Bathsheba Second Samuel 1:1 to 24:1 1:1 David was hanging out in Ziklag, just hanging with not much going on. A dirty, ragged man showed up in dirty, ragged clothes. 1:4 The man was an Amalekite and he brought word to David of King Saul’s and Prince Jonathan’s defeat at the hands of the Philistines. […]

Continue reading...

The Bible According to Brad

August 23, 2012

3 Comments

GENESIS 01:01   Adam & Eve   In the Big Inning 04:01   Cain & Abel   Don’t bring God fruits 06:07   Noah’s Ark   We’re gonna need a bigger boat 11:10   Abram & Sarai   She works hard for the money 18:01   Sodom & Gomorrah   If I knew that you […]

Continue reading...

Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

August 19, 2012

0 Comments

David and Saul First Samuel 22:1 to 31:1 22:1 David hid in the hills and stayed mobile with his small band of guerrilla insurgents and barely managed to stay one step ahead of Saul’s pursuit. David’s troops ran smack into a band of Philistines but crushed them. 24:3 King Saul’s son, Prince Jonathan, met with […]

Continue reading...

A Lucky Shot

August 12, 2012

0 Comments

David and Goliath First Samuel 16:12 to 22:19 16:12 In private the Lord told Samuel to prepare to soon be pouring oil on a new king’s head. Sam found what he thought was a good candidate for kingship living in the region of Judah and poured oil on the young boy whose name was David. […]

Continue reading...

The Man Who Would be Kingmaker

August 5, 2012

1 Comment

Samuel and Saul First Samuel 1:1 to 15:19 1:1 There was a man who had two wives. One of them was Hannah. 1:5 Hannah was having problems becoming pregnant because the Lord had messed around with her lady parts. Hannah was majorly depressed about it. She cried a lot and refused to eat. She promised […]

Continue reading...

The Perfect Woman

July 29, 2012

0 Comments

Ruth 1:1 Once upon a time there lived a man named Emilech and his wife Naomi. They left Judah for Moab with their two sons. Emilech died soon thereafter, leaving Naomi to raise the boys by herself. 1:4 The boys grew up and married a couple of Moabite women and then both boys died, leaving […]

Continue reading...

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

July 22, 2012

1 Comment

Samson and Delilah Judges 16:4 to 21:25 16:4 Samson fell in love with a woman named Delilah. The Philistine aristocrats offered Delilah a lot of money to find out the secret of Samson’s magical superman strength. Delilah wanted all that money. She wanted that money so very badly. Several times Samson lied to Delilah and […]

Continue reading...

The Lion, The Switch, and Thirty Wardrobes

July 15, 2012

0 Comments

Samson and the Foxes Judges 13:3 to 16:1 13:1 Again the children of Israel were being bad little children from the Lord’s point of view. So he had the Philistines conquer and rule over them for forty years. Meanwhile a childless couple of the tribe of Dan was visited by one of the Lord’s many […]

Continue reading...

The Branch Manager

July 8, 2012

1 Comment

Abimelech and Jephthah Judges 9:1 to 12:1 9:1 A chaotic power struggle ensued following Gideon’s death and through various manipulations and lots of murders Gideon’s son Abimelech managed to get himself crowned king. Meanwhile Abimelech’s brother Jotham was upset with the arrangement and the murders, so he made up a colorful analogy about how all […]

Continue reading...

It’s Not a Perfect Science

July 1, 2012

1 Comment

Gideon’s Fleece Judges 6:1 to 8:27 6:1 The Lord got angry with the Israelites again so he helped the king of Midian take control of the tribes. The brutal oppression of the Midianites caused many of the Israelites to head for the hills and hide out in caves and such. Things looked pretty bleak for […]

Continue reading...

Order in the Court

June 24, 2012

0 Comments

Ehud and Deborah Judges 1:1 to 5:26 1:1 The Israelite tribes each were given their own territory to live in, but occasionally they continued to kill remaining Canaanites indiscriminately, or run them off their land, or tax them severely and cut off their kings’ thumbs and big toes and such. Because so many of the […]

Continue reading...