Tag Archives: bible

The Bible According to Brad

August 19, 2014

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GENESIS 01:01   Adam & Eve   In the Big Inning 04:01   Cain & Abel   Don’t bring God fruits 06:07   Noah’s Ark   We’re gonna need a bigger boat 11:10   Abram & Sarai   She works hard for the money 18:01   Sodom & Gomorrah   If I knew that you […]

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Lovers and Haters

April 14, 2013

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The Curse Malachi 1:1 to 4:4 1:1 The burden of being the chosen ones, as articulated by a guy named Malachi. The Lord made something very clear. He said “I have loved you Jews thoroughly, and thoroughly hated just about everyone else.” That’s all fine and good, however the Jews have polluted the food at […]

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Young Beer and Fresh Women

April 7, 2013

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Vision of Zion Zechariah 1:1 to 14:1 1:1 The words of the Lord suddenly appeared in the mind of Zechariah saying “The Lord is upset with your fathers. Don’t be like your fathers.” One night I saw a man riding on a red horse. Behind him were other riders also on red horses. That was […]

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Permit Approved

March 31, 2013

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Zerubbabel and the Temple Haggai 1:1 to 2:23 1:1 The word of the Lord as imagined by the prophet Haggai, chief bottle washer and overpaid yes-man to The Mighty Zerubbabel, Prince of Persia, in the province of Judah (rural delivery). 2:3 Some people are saying that it is not yet time to rebuild the old […]

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Have a Nice Day

March 24, 2013

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Day of the Lord Zephaniah 1:1 to 3:20 1:1 The word of the Lord which dawned on Zephaniah, who was the son of somebody, who was the son of somebody, who was the son of somebody. God says he will come and utterly eat everything. A day is coming, a bad day, a real bad […]

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Be Afraid

March 17, 2013

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Fear of God Habakkuk 1:1 to 3:2 1:1 The burden of being Jewish from the point of view of Habakkuk. Lord how long do I have to sit around balling my eyes out and you will not hear me crying? Even when there is massive violence you will not come save us. There is something […]

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A Day in the Sun

March 10, 2013

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The Vengeance of God Nahum 1:1 to 3:1 1:1 The burden of Nineveh and all of the associated imaginings in the mind of a guy named Nahum. God is jealous. God is revengeful. God is furious. So then, we’ve established that God is jealous, revengeful, and furious. He is slow to anger sometimes but when […]

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Howl and go Naked

March 3, 2013

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Wrath of God Micah 1:1 to 6:2 1:1 The word of the Lord that just popped into Micah’s head one day. It’s going to get bad, real bad. God will be coming down to walk on the Earth and the dirt will melt under his feet like wax in a hot fire. He will totally […]

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The One That Got Away

February 24, 2013

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Jonah and the Whale Jonah 1:1 to 4:1 1:1 Once upon a time there was a Jewish guy named Jonah. The Lord talked to Jonah. He said “Jonah, go over there to that extremely distant city of Nineveh. Let the Ninnies know that I have noticed their wickedness, even from way over here. I’m not […]

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Free Slaves

February 17, 2013

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Cursing the Edomites Obadiah 1:1 to 1:21 1:1 The point of view of Obadiah. 1:11 The Lord thinks this about the Edomites. They stood back and laughed while Jerusalem was destroyed. Truth be known, they even aided in the destruction. 1:13 They should not have done that. They really should not have done that. 1:21 […]

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Burn Ban Lifted

February 10, 2013

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Judgment Day Amos 1:1 to 9:11 1:1 These are some words blurted out one day by Amos. That’s Mr. Amos to you. The Lord says he has three or four damn good reasons for sending a nasty horrible fire to burn up all of the nations in the whole damned mid-east region, including Israel and […]

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Bugs and Worms

February 3, 2013

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Valley of Jehoshaphat Joel 1:1 to 3:2 1:1 OK, here it is, the word of the Lord that just happened to come to Joel one day. It just popped into his head. And the word is that the crops not eaten by worms are eaten by locusts and the crops not eaten by locusts are […]

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